Sunday, November 29, 2009


Is it weird that what was once something I used for attention last year, I don't want to tell a soul this year?

It was pretty bad last year, but when it happened, people noticed me, and I got the attention I craved (after all, many people in my life were failing at giving me the slightest bit of attention). I turned something "pretty bad" into "somewhat okay" and maybe a bit "Kind of good."

An opportunist move, you could say, done by a girl who was being ignored in most aspects of her life.

And now?

It's happening again. It's barely contained. And do I tell a soul?

Not a one.

Sure, there's a hint dropped, but to someone who wouldn't know a hint if it was spelled out in front of him. And everyone else? Nothing. There's a pile of backspaced words with the names of my friends on them, and they won't be entered any time soon.

What called this change? I don't know. Maybe it's because I finally have some kind of attention of someone I desperately wanted it from, or maybe I've grown up a little bit.

We may seek a fortune for no greater reason than to secure the respect and attention of people who would otherwise look straight through us. -Alain de Botton

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